Okay, so you know how life has spiraled into an unwaking postmodern nightmare where irony is whatever you want it to be and consequences don’t start until you die? That’s all probably unrelated to the fact that HelloFresh is selling chocolate spaghetti so that you can eat like that manchild from 2003’s Elf. 

Recommended Videos

Yes, HelloFresh, the subscription box service that is actively mailing you ten special offer postcards just because you read their name, is bringing back their limited edition Buddy the Elf Spaghetti Kit once again. This festive box of insulin dependency sold out within minutes last year.

The meal, which is somehow not a joke anymore and it’s hard to know who to blame for that, features ingredients inspired by the culinary expertise of the lead character from the holiday classic Elf: Mini marshmallows, chocolate rice cereal, a toaster pastry, legally distinctive M&M-adjacent candies, chocolate nonpareils, chocolate and maple syrups, and Colavita brand spaghetti. Mix them all together and you’ll be amazed to find out who has custody of your kids next Christmas.

What’s in the Buddy the Elf Spaghetti Kit, and why are my hands and feet tingly all the time?

Child me: dreamed about having dessert for dinner
Adult me:

ELF and all related characters and elements © & ™ New Line Productions, Inc."

— HelloFresh US (@HelloFresh) December 2, 2023

In addition to a hasty coma, the kit comes packaged with a pair of Buddy-themed aprons, a set of disposable plates featuring the four food groups that elves try to stick to, an on-brand plastic to-go bag, and a recipe card, which will, according to the HelloFresh website, help you “to sleigh your breakfast, lunch or dinner.” So I guess we’re encouraging people to eat this for breakfast, too.

The Buddy the Elf Spaghetti Kit touts itself as providing enough materials for two servings of chocolate-covered pasta, which implies a level of self-control that feels antithetical to the whole exercise, but whatever. Interested parties are encouraged to hover over their keyboards on Dec. 4 at 12:25 EST, which is when the meal kit goes on sale. Kits are sold on a first-come, first-served basis, and only one kit will be sold per transaction. It seems prudent to note once again that last year’s Buddy the Elf Spaghetti Kits flew off the digital shelves in no time flat, so you’ll have to act fast if you want to really stick it to your pancreas this holiday season. 

This isn’t the first time that HelloFresh has partnered with studios to bring the magic of motion pictures into the kitchen. Over the summer, the company offered meals inspired by the Pixar movie Elemental, along with plantable seed-based paper, and an April kit inspired by Guardians of the Galaxy Volume 3 featured Zarg Nut Bites and Mango Milk Fizz. The Elf-inspired kit does, however, mark the first time that the company has openly tried to test people’s penchant for diabetes in a Wonka-esque series of candy-based morality trials. It costs $29.99.