Charity Lawson sat down with many of the contestants from her season of The Bachelorette during the “Men Tell All” special episode on Aug. 14 and she had some honest thoughts about coming face-to-face with them.

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While unpacking the episode with Entertainment Weekly, the season 20 Bachelorette lead was asked who she was “most nervous” and “most eager” to see once more. “Um, not eager to see anyone,” she laughed in response to the publication’s question. “Let’s be very clear.”

“And I wouldn’t describe it as nervous,” she continued. “I think maybe Xavier [Bonner], just knowing that I had to face him and have a heavier conversation. I was not nervous to see Brayden [Bowers] at all.” Lawson expanded on her thoughts leading into the conversations with Bonner and Bowers, as she said she saw how Bowers was completely different with his chats with the men in the house compared to how he was with her.

“This is Brayden trying to make it about Brayden and make himself seem a lot better, or whatever,” she said of the “villain” of the season’s claims that she wasn’t authentic and was playing the role of Bachelorette. “We saw all the men on that stage vouch for my authenticity, and I said it time and time again: At no point did Charity Lawson ever switch up who she was.” Lawson said her main goal during the entire experience was to be completely herself. She said there was “no credibility” to Bowers’ claims and concluded, “Next!”

As for confronting Bonner, Lawson explained that she was glad to have a conversation at the “Men Tell All” because she’d been going through a lot of emotions when they spoke last on the show. At that time, she said Bonner’s revelation that he had cheated on a past partner and his struggle to confirm that he could remain monogamous for the rest of his life left her reeling. She told EW that the conversation at the “Men Tell All” allowed her to ask the questions she needed to and rationally take in his responses.

In fact, viewers saw Lawson share in the episode that she felt she was too gracious to Bonner during their final conversation in Fiji. She told him that his confession to her during their dinner should have happened much earlier in the season, while Bonner admitted that he’d truly been in love with Lawson. The Georgia native replied that she felt as though him telling her he loved her when she was putting him in the van was simply a Hail Mary comment. By the end of the conversation, however, it seemed as though the two received some closure and Bonner presented Lawson with a rose he knitted for her.