Sean “Diddy” Combs is understandably having a rough time dealing with the death of his ex-girlfriend, Kim Porter. She was the mother of four of his children, and as the first Mother’s Day without her approaches, the rapper is bracing for a challenging day.

Diddy, as fans call him, graced the May cover of Essence with his and Porter’s twin daughters, D’Lila and Jessie age 12, as well as his 13-year-old daughter from a previous relationship, Chance. The magazine chose the controversial, yet historic, decision to put a man with his family on the cover of the Mother’s Day issue as a tribute to Porter.

Now audio from Combs interview with friend Dream Hampton, for the issue, has been released in full on Essence podcast Yes, Girl. The rapper breaks down in tears as the subject of spending life without Porter becomes too much for him.

“Anybody that’s lost a mother or lost a soulmate, it takes time. It takes time. They say time heals all wounds when it comes to mothers, but I don’t think that’s the case. I don’t think anyone would ever understand how hard it is to be a black mother,” expressed Diddy.

Sean “Diddy” Combs was not planning on being as vulnerable as he was during the interview about Kim Porter. However, emotion took over and the flood gates opened. Once the music mogul began opening up about losing Porter, he could not stop the tears.

The heartbreaking interview continues as Diddy talks about spending Mother’s Day without Porter.

“We definitely gonna celebrate, you know, all the mothers,” the rapper explained, but he also admitted he is still unsure of how to properly celebrate the day.

Combs had previously shared losing a woman he loved dearly, has pushed him into both mommy and daddy role, so he is working to embrace his maternal side. The loss changed him as a father because he knew his kids had no one but him. There was a shift in his personal and work life balance.

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The gut-wrenching interview of Diddy breaking down over the loss of Porter is candid, vulnerable and not a side Sean Combs generally lets the public witness. Life will, unfortunately, get more difficult for the family with Mother’s Day happening this weekend. It is a day Diddy and his family have been bracing for but are in no way ready to celebrate.