When Real Housewives of Beverly Hills star Lisa Vanderpump lost her brother, Mark, last April to suicide, it changed her life in ways she never expected. Now, just days ahead of the RHOBH  Season 9 premiere, Vanderpump has opened up about what she regrets most about the past year.

Cameras started rolling for Season 9 immediately after Mark passed away, and in hindsight, executive producer Andy Cohen says that they should have given Vanderpump a year off from reality television. Vanderpump admits that Cohen was right.

Okay-heard @KyleRichards name @LisaVanderpump as the “mean girl we all had problems with this season” of #RHOBH & finally got my answer to whether I’ll skip this season for the 1st time in 8 yrs. Answer: Not watching. @Andy Her brother committed suicide & these women came 4 her?!

— Karen Rock (@KarenRock5) February 8, 2019

The restaurateur says that she agrees with Cohen’s assessment that she wasn’t in a good mental state, and she added that she did struggle a lot.

“The first few months it was really difficult, and I was kind of searching for happiness, so, I think you know … when something really significant happens in your life, maybe it does change you, you know?” revealed Vanderpump.

She went on to explain to Entertainment Tonight that she “wasn’t prepared for combat” with her costars, and things progressively got worse as the season went on. LVP avoided most Housewives group events with the cast during shooting, and she found herself at odds with the women she used to be good friends with.

Things have gotten so bad that both Lisa Rinna and Teddi Mellencamp photoshopped Vanderpump out of the cast photo, and LVP has also received a lot of criticism for skipping out on things like Cohen’s baby shower and Camille Grammer’s wedding.

For months, rumors swirled that the falling out between Vanderpump and the RHOBH cast was sparked by Dorit Kemsley adopting a dog from Vanderpump Dogs. And, some accused LVP of leaking info about the situation to the tabloids.

Vanderpump says that fans are going to have to watch Season 9 to find out if there was more to the rift with her castmates, or if all of this really did happen because of a botched dog adoption.

LVP’s co-star and former bestie Kyle Richards has said that she can describe the upcoming season with one word – deceitful – and Lisa Vanderpump agrees. She added that she has no idea if her friendship with Richards will ever recover.

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Season 9 of Real Housewives of Beverly Hills premieres Tuesday, February 12th, on Bravo.