It was a moment we’ll never forget. On Oct. 31, 2022, Kit Connor, star of Netflix’s hit LGBTQ+ series Heartstopper, logged onto Twitter and told the world he was bisexual. Instead of being a momentous celebration for the young 18-year-old British actor, it became a devastating display of public coercion. Conner admitted feeling forced to come out. At the time he was facing queerbaiting accusations, as his Heartstopper character is bisexual but he himself had never gone public with his sexuality. Now the same thing is happening to Taylor Zakhar Perez. 

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Prior to starring in Prime Video’s gay romance movie Red, White & Royal Blue, Taylor Zakhar Perez had only ever played straight characters on screen. The Kissing Booth, Minx, Awkward, Embeds — all films and TV shows in which Perez played either a hot guy, or a hot guy trying to win over a hot girl. Indeed, Perez carries an aurora of masculinity about him, one which complicates the stereotypical methods of determining a man’s sexuality. 

Red, White & Royal Blue — a film about the son of the first female U.S. president falling in love with the Prince of England — sees Perez rip apart the notion of what a gay man acts, talks, and looks like. His character, Alex Claremont-Diaz, is bisexual but his coming out storyline plays no part in the movie. Like Perez, who has purposefully kept his sexuality private, Alex doesn’t make a fuss of it. However, ever since Red, White & Royal Blue premiered in early August, Perez’s sexuality has been at the forefront of the conversation, whether or not it should be.

“Please stop posting asking for information about the sexualities of Taylor and Nick,” wrote one Red, White & Royal Blue fan on Reddit. “Despite how entitled to this information you may think you are, they owe you nothing — their identities are theirs and theirs alone.”

“Did Kit Connor’s experience also teach people nothing?” wrote another. “Fans of the movie have no right or claim over the actors. They are portraying a character as is their vocation. They, are doing us a service. Their private lives are precisely that – private.”

In the age of increased LGBTQ+ representation on screen, the practice of investigating an actor’s sexuality to the point of forcing them to speak out has become regrettably more commonplace. On one hand, representation is a vital component to ensuring the gay experience is captured authentically and that gay artists aren’t being excluded from the narrative both in front of and behind the camera. On the other hand, a person’s sexuality is a private affair and the notion that it belongs to the public is ludicrous.

Harry Styles has faced a similar plight as Perez. The Grammy Award-winning musician has continually chosen not to publicize his sexuality, but he is constantly followed by a hailstorm of speculation. His fandom lurks in the shadows, waiting with bated breath for confirmation to slip through the cracks, ready to pounce at a moment’s notice. 

For those who’ve been forced to come out of the closet, Kit Conner’s experience should have been a wake-up call to do better. Unfortunately, the fixation on Taylor Zakhar Perez’s sexuality proves otherwise. The actor is benefited by 13 additional years of wisdom and maturity Conner was not afforded, but the 31-year-old’s private affairs continue to be discussed in tandem with, or ahead of, his professional work.

Progress is a double-edged sword. Both ends remain dutifully sharp, but until the world catches up with Hollywood, we’d be wise to carry it with grace. If we’re not careful, we may find ourselves slashing into the wrong problems.