The model got candid about her terrible experience of losing her third addition to the family in a heartbreaking essay. That being said, Chrissy Teigen even recalled the time the doctor told her it was ‘time to say goodbye’ and how she reacted.

In hopes that she could help other parents going through something similar, Chrissy was willing to detail the ‘utter and complete sadness’ she felt when she lost her and John Legend’s baby Jack.

As fans know, it’s been nearly a month since the married couple went through this terrible pain of losing what would have been their third child together and second son.

It was obviously devastating and now, Chrissy is telling her followers how she has been dealing with the loss ever since.

In a new essay for Medium, the model and cookbook author mentioned that the tragedy left her in a ‘convulsion of tears’ at the time.

‘I had no idea when I would be ready to write this. Part of me thought it would be early on, when I was still really feeling the pain of what happened. After we first lost Jack, I found myself incredibly worried that I wasn’t able to thank everyone for their extreme kindness. Many shared incredible personal experiences, some shared books and poems. I wanted to thank everyone, share our story with each individual person. But I knew I was in no state to,’ the mom wrote.

She went on to detail the days before the loss happened where she was still struggling with heavy bleeding and was doing anything necessary to try and protect her and John’s son from a possible miscarriage.

But then, ‘After a couple nights at the hospital, my doctor told me exactly what I knew was coming — it was time to say goodbye. He just wouldn’t survive this, and if it went on any longer, I might not either. We had tried bags and bags of blood transfusions, every single one going right through me like we hadn’t done anything at all.’ Late one night, I was told it would be time to let go in the morning. I cried a little at first, then went into full blown convulsions of snot and tears, my breathe not able to catch up with my own incredibly deep sadness.’

The star mentioned that even while writing the essay and remembering what she went through, she was overcome with sadness and heartache.

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For more on what Chrissy was willing to share, check out her essay in its entirety.